


Need A Second To Breathe

by Anonymous



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, M/M, Nightmares, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Precious Peter Parker, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 00:27:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15569739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: For Prompt 87: Stay Awake





	Need A Second To Breathe

**_~*~*~_ **

_“Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good…” Tony hears Peter say and rapidly turns his attention from Strange’s ashes onto the kid. But despite how much emotional turmoil he’s in, and how shitty he feels, Tony’s ultimately keeping calm for Peter’s sake._

_Tony can see the fear and desperation in Peter’s big brown eyes and carefully reaches out to him when he notices the boy laying a hand on his stomach. He looks green, greener than the Hulk but also so pale. He’s ghost white and Tony can only pray that Peter won’t suffer the same fate as the others._

_“You’re alright…” Tony assures him but is really trying to assure himself. Tony watches Peter as he stumbles as he’s walking closer to Tony._

_“I don’t – I don’t know what’s happening…” Peter whimpers as he grabs onto him with a terrifyingly tight grip. Tony’s grip on the 17-year-old is tighter, possibly, he doesn’t want to lose his boy, but here he is, disappearing slower than the others because of the damn healing factor working to regenerate his cells faster than they are disintegrating._

_Peter is crying now and Tony hates seeing his boy cry. Seeing the tears falling from his big beautiful eyes make Tony’s heart feel like it’s being stabbed by a million shards of shrapnel. And no arc reactor can stop them from piercing his breaking heart._

_“I don’t wanna go, I don’t wanna go.” Peter pleads his as voice breaks under all the emotion. And all Tony can do is hold onto him gently, comforting him as best as he can. But he can’t find the words to tell Peter it’s okay because they both know that it’s not. It’s all broken promises and reassurances until Tony can find a way to defeat Thanos himself and rescue all those who have died._

_“I’m sorry…” Peter says as his body surrenders and he finally disintegrates into ash in Tony’s arms._

_Pulling his ash coated hands to his face, he cries and carefully kisses his palms, where Peter last laid and took his final breath, wishing he were kissing Peter instead._

**_~*~*~_ **

Jolting awake from the nightmare, Tony’s chest heaves painfully as he tries to catch his breath. Thick and disgusting rolls of sweat run down his forehead and naked chest, practically drenching him in grotesque liquid. His hands shake in his lap, they feel heavy and strained, like they’re still gripping onto the dying body of his lover. He shivers from the cold and horror infiltrating his body and he slowly brings his knees to his chest, in an attempt to comfort himself.

It takes him a moment to get his breathing slowed, to get his panicked state under control, and then he quickly turns his head towards the left side of his king-sized bed.

Peter’s asleep.

Thank God.

Tony watches over Peter’s sleeping figure, watches as his back moves up and down with his breathing. He’s okay. He’s not a pile of ash on an alien planet anymore. Peter is okay.

Peter had come home late tonight from his night class at NYU and so he’s rightfully exhausted from a whole day of school plus some patrolling around the city as Spiderman. So now, he’s laying on his flat stomach, snoring lightly, cuddling with a body pillow, and probably wishing that it’s the beautifully chiseled body of some male celebrity or fictional character.

Peter looks peaceful and from the small smile spread across his face, he’s happy too. Peter’s resting, he’s home, and most importantly he’s alive.

Tony sighs in relief. Blinking, he feels a wetness roll from his eyes and then notices that his cheeks are wet with something other than sweat. Swallowing dryly, Tony brings his hands to his face and he realizes that he’s been crying. He carefully reaches over the nightstand to take the tissues from the tissue box, so he can wipe away the silent tears rolling down his cheeks.

Tony stays sitting up and watches as the digital clock ticks, the bright blue digits slowly changing with each minute passing in the cold still darkness of his bedroom. In what feels like seconds, the clock goes from 4:19 AM to 4:31 AM. And Tony is still staring out in the vast darkness of his and Peter’s bedroom. Mind running and tears still falling down his cheeks.

Tony hasn’t had that nightmare of what happened with Thanos for a while. Since Peter moved in with him almost a year ago. And it’s crazy to think that all that shit with Thanos happened five years ago. And—thankfully—things since then have been peaceful.

But the nightmares still plague even the strongest of the Avengers and Honorary Avengers. The nightmares that hit Tony the worst though are of Peter dying. But it’s been a year since he had them, so he wonders why now? Is Thanos somehow back? Is there a new threat and his nightmare is another bad omen? Or is it just because Peter got hurt on patrol last week and Tony hasn’t had the time to reprimand him for it yet. Maybe that’s it. Tony knows that eventually he’ll have to metaphorically kick Peter’s ass for getting hurt on patrol last week and causing him to spiral into the same fears he had so soon after losing him to Thanos. But for now, he’s just going to revel in the fact that Peter’s alive and safe.

Tony feels a stirring next to him and returns his eyes onto Peter. He’s rolling around onto his side and blinking from long dark lashes up at Tony.

“Hey…” Peter mutters, eyes still half closed, voice still sleepy.  

Tony doesn’t respond. He can’t, because he knows that if he does, he’ll end up sobbing.

“Hey?” Peter asks, he sits up now with worry painted all over his features. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Tony just shakes his head and lets out a painful cry. Too late.

Peter’s arms carefully wrap around Tony’s shoulders and he pulls the older man in for a hug.

“Shhhhh, it’s okay.” Peter says sweetly. “You’re okay.” He adds. “It was a nightmare huh?” Peter’s soft voice fills Tony’s ears, the sound wrapping Tony’s shivering body in warmth and comfort. 

Tony only nods in affirmation at Peter’s question, still crying into the younger man’s arms. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Peter asks.

Tony just shrugs and Peter huffs lightly in amusement. Tony can feel his body move along with Peter’s when it happens.  But even then, Tony can’t stop crying. He almost lost his Peter all those years ago. He lost him, and then he got him back. But it still hurts Tony when he remembers all those months where he was without the sunshine in life. It still hurts to know that anything can happen, and that Tony can easily lose Peter again. He wouldn’t be able to do it a second time.

“I—I…” Tony starts and stops. His voice is too wet and raw for him to continue.

“Shhhhh, you don’t have to talk yet. Just let it out Tony.”

And so Tony keeps crying as Peter holds him.

The clock reads 4:58 when the tears finally subdue, and Tony thinks it’s about damn time the dam broke. He’s been keeping this shit in for too long. But his throat hurts, his face is a mess, and he’s really fucking thirsty.

But water can wait. He needs to tell Peter why he was so upset. Apparently, communication is key to a relationship. Especially one lasting as long as theirs.

“I—I dreamt of what happened…when I had lost you to Thanos.” Tony finally says, his voice cracks as he speaks, but the words come out anyway.

“Oh, Tony…” Peter whispers. “It’s okay, I’m okay, you’re okay. Thanos is gone remember? It’s 2023 and Thanos can’t hurt either of us ever again.” Peter assures him in a soothing voice. Tony knows now that things are okay and so takes the reassurance and holds onto it with dear life. He won’t ever let it go again.

“I had that nightmare again…” Tony mutters silently. “because after you got hurt last week it reminded me of then…”

Peter hums at Tony’s reveal and slowly runs his fingers through Tony’s hair.

“I’ll be more careful then, okay?” Peter suggests and Tony nods. Too emotionally exhausted to say anything else on the matter. Later, however, he’s going to make sure that Peter really knows he needs to be careful or face the consequences of being reckless. Tony can’t allow his boy to keep getting hurt by others any longer. So he’ll have to ‘hurt’ Peter himself.

Tony stays in Peter’s arms for a long time and hopes that he’s not depriving his boy of sleep. Thankfully Peter doesn’t have school in the morning, so this late night panic attack won’t hinder him in his classes later.

“Do you want to go back to bed?” Peter asks him, voice gentle and soft.

“No…” Tony mutters. He doesn’t want to go to bed again. He’s scared he’ll have the same dream again. He doesn’t want to ever witness Peter dying in his arms again. He couldn’t do it again, especially not when he’s deep within his subconscious, when dreams should be fun and lighthearted and not like the nightmare he’s had tonight.

“Stay awake with me? Please?” Tony asks Peter and Peter smiles and presses a kiss onto his forehead.

“Of course, Tony.” Peter says and Tony smiles, wrapping his arms around Peter and pulling the younger man into his lap this time. 

“Love you.” He whispers into Peter’s hair, arms secure around Peter’s thin waist and nuzzling his nose into his neck.

“Love you too Tony.” Peter says and the two queue up a movie on the flat screen, ready to get an early start to their day.  

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed me finally uploading this to ao3 after like two months lol.


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